Urban Poll*

1. What do you find more off-putting?
a) Finding out the bar is out of your favorite pour and you must settle for a vodka soda.
b) You get home after a long evening out and discover someone ate the last brownie.

2. What do people tend to most misunderstand about you?
a) Your nervous need to make jokes to facilitate conversation
b) Your uncanny tendency to deflect direct questioning
c) Neither of the above, but this: ________

3. What tastes best after a long, arduous day?
a) A cold beer from the fridge
b) A properly poured Jameson on the rocks
c) A large sandwich of your preference from a local, popular delicatessan
d) A Hostess fruit pie in a wax sleeve
e) Anything you don't have to cook or prepare at home (see also c, d)

4. When was the last time you called home?
a) What do you mean by "home", exactly?
b) I saw my family over the holidays, so it's a bit early to be calling...
c) Last night
d) I keep trying, but no one ever picks up or returns the voicemails I leave

*this poll purports to have no scientific value and reflects bias and lived experiences of author